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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415369">After the nightmare, choices</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U'>NoMoreBeer4U</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>After the nightmare series [20]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate SG-1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Stargate: The Ark of Truth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:55:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415369</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ori are finally defeated, but has the emotional toll been too big for Daniel?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>After the nightmare series [20]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>After the nightmare, choices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: The usual, they aren't mine, I just play with them, yadda...</p><p>Spoilers for Stargate: Continuum and SGA S05E11 The lost tribe</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Daniel…”</p><p>Cold</p><p>“Daniel…”</p><p>Pain</p><p>“Daniel…”</p><p>Someone was calling his name, but he couldn’t move. It hurt too much. The simple thought of moving hurt too much. Daniel lay on his side on the freezing floor of his cell. His right hand was cushioning his head, his left arm lying limp on the stone floor. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t.</p><p>“Daniel…”</p><p>He tried it again. His eyelids felt heavy, like cover stones.</p><p>“Daniel…”</p><p>Finally, he managed to crack open his eyes. He was greeted by the worried face of the man he considered his husband- Major General Jack O’Neill.</p><p>“J'ck…” he croaked.</p><p>“Hi,” Jack smiled and started to stroke his head tenderly.</p><p>“You’re not real,” Daniel whispered.</p><p>“No, I'm not,” the older man replied.  “I wish I were, but I'm just a figment of your imagination.”</p><p>“Jack, I'm sorry,” the archaeologist muttered weakly.</p><p>“For what?” Jack asked softly.</p><p>“For not helping you when Ba'al tortured you,” Daniel closed his eyes again.</p><p>It was too much of an effort to keep them open. He hurt all over. The torture he had suffered under the power of the Doci had stolen all his strength. He had never experienced such excruciating pain before. Compared to that, the torture he had suffered in Honduras three years ago had been a child's game. The Doci had just stood in front of him, chanting the same sentence over and over again. The only visible *weapon* had been the jewel glowing on his chest. Excruciating pain had hit every cell of his body. It had felt like a thousand red hot knives piercing his head, his gut, his limbs. He had lost count of the times he had crossed that hell.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Jack’s apparition asked, confused. “You helped me.”</p><p>Daniel wanted to shake his head in denial, but he was too weak.</p><p>“No… no… now I understand. This is too much, Jack. I can’t go through that again. I can’t… I can’t… I just want to die and never wake up again.” He began to sob silently while light tremors shook his body.</p><p>“Shhhhh, don’t say that. You can’t die, remember we go together,” ghost Jack said while continued caressing his hair. “You can’t give up now, you’ll find a way out.”</p><p>“How, Jack?” Daniel sobbed. “Teal’c is dead. Vala and Tomin are prisoners too. Sam and Mitchell don’t even know where we are. The Ancients won’t help us. Nobody is going to help us. There is no one, no one.” Daniel’s ragged voice was the archetype of defeat.</p><p>“There is always a way out,” Jack insisted. “You just need to hold on a little longer.”</p><p>“No… no… I can’t… I told you. They’re too powerful for us.”</p><p>“Danny, please, don’t give up,” Jack pleaded again.</p><p> “I’m sorry… I’m sorry... forgive me… I… I can’t hold it anymore. It’s over… it’s over… it’s over…” his voice faded to nothing and the gentle pressure on his head disappeared. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know that his lover was gone. He felt his heart shattering into a million pieces. He would never go back home. He would never see Jack again. He would never hold him into his arms or kiss him or make love to him. The feeling of despair was overwhelming. It hurt so much, so much… his body, his heart, his soul. He couldn’t breathe. He lay there, completely hopeless, waiting for the reaper to claim his body one last time. Hot tears slid down his cheeks and splashed onto the icy floor. He prayed for the Doci to come soon and finish the job, so his suffering would stop once and for all.</p><p>“It’s not over. Don’t give up.”</p><p>That voice was distinct. He knew it. And this time it didn’t come from inside his head. The sound came from beyond his feet, on the other end of the cell. It sounded like Merlin, but it couldn’t be. Merlin died. He didn’t ascend.</p><p>“You’re not Merlin,” Daniel said with a hoarse voice.</p><p>“I'm here to help you,” Merlin’s voice said.</p><p>Daniel laughed tiredly. “Then help me.”</p><p>“You must find the strength,” the Ancient magician said firmly.</p><p>Strength, he said. Huh. As if he had any left. Daniel would have laughed out loud if he had got a bit of energy, which he hadn’t. That wasn’t even Merlin. Daniel knew she was Morgan Le Fay in disguise. Who else? The question was, what was she doing there? The Ancients had left pretty clear that they weren’t going to help them. So? Hanging out for a while? Daniel’s distressed mind wandered to Jack’s words- *You can’t die. Remember we go together*. He knew Jack wouldn’t survive his death. Morgan was there. Did that mean she was really willing to help? That there was some hope after all? He didn’t want Jack to die. Could he still stop it from happening? He had to try. If not for himself, for his lover. If there was some tiny chance…</p><p>Daniel gathered the little that was left of his energy, rolled onto his back, and faced the glowing being.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>Three days later</strong>
</p><p>Jack O’Neill was a happy man.  A proud, happy man. He was wishing to arrive home and show the man who considered his husband, how proud he was of him.  Daniel had had a crucial role in the defeat of the Ori. Not only he had built the weapon that had destroyed the evil glowing beings, but he had also found the ark that had deprogrammed the priors. They had, indeed, a lot to celebrate.</p><p>Jack had talked on the phone to the archaeologist shortly after he had arrived at the SGC. Apparently, ha had sustained some minor injuries on the mission. One day under the attentive watch of Dr. Lam and she had sent him home.</p><p>Jack searched eagerly in every one of his pockets, but he couldn’t find the key, so he knocked at the door. Before Daniel had time to open it, the General found the evasive keys inside the back pocket of his trousers. He opened the door and met his lover right in front of him, ready to reach the doorknob.</p><p>Jack grinned widely. “Hey!” he greeted his partner cheerfully. His face became serious when he noticed the butterfly strip on the archaeologist’s cheek and the cut on his lip.</p><p>“Hey,” Daniel replied softly. He smiled weakly, but Jack noticed the gesture didn’t reach his eyes.</p><p>The General stepped into the house and closed the door behind him.</p><p>“Hey, you ok?” he asked in concern as he reached out a hand to brush his lover’s injured cheek. He had planned to ravish him as soon as he arrived home, but now he thought that might not be a good idea, considering Daniel’s shape and what happened that time he did that just after the archaeologist had been “depriorized”.</p><p>“Yes, I’m fine,” Daniel replied dismissively. “Welcome home, Jack.” He leaned forward and pecked him on the lips before turning around and heading to the kitchen.</p><p>Jack stayed where he stood for a few seconds, slightly stunned. Not the welcome he had expected. He shook his head and went to the bedroom to leave his luggage. Then he went to the kitchen to meet his lover. Daniel was brewing coffee. Jack stood just behind him and snaked his arms around his waist. Daniel flinched at the touch.</p><p>“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jack asked.</p><p>“Sorry,” Daniel muttered without turning around. “I hit my arm on the mission and it’s a bit sore.”</p><p>“Did Dr. Lam check it well?”</p><p>“Of course, nothing to worry about,” Daniel said. He filled a mug with the freshly brewed coffee, turned around, and smiled awkwardly.</p><p>Jack took advantage of the gesture. He took the mug, left it on the table, pulled his lover forward, and captured his lips in a tender kiss. Daniel flinched again and then tensed. Jack pulled away and before his lover could protest, the General untucked his t-shirt and rolled it up. Daniel’s chest and stomach were covered with nasty dark bruises.</p><p>“For crying out loud, Daniel!” Jack exclaimed. “Is that what you call minor injuries?”</p><p>The younger man shoved him slightly and put his t-shirt back in place. “Nothing is broken. I’ll be fine.” He grabbed the mug of coffee and went to the living room. Jack grabbed a beer from the fridge and followed him. He sat on the couch next to the younger man. He took a few minutes to calm down. Obviously, the guards of the Ori had done a number on his lover’s body. Luckily, there wasn’t anything broken. He would be sore for some days, but the bruises would fade away, eventually. Nothing he hadn’t experienced himself dozens of times. But still, every time someone hurt Daniel, he felt his blood boil inside his veins. Dr. Lam was like a renewed version of Janet. She would have never let him go home if he had sustained serious injuries. Jack tried to concentrate on more pleasant thoughts.</p><p>“I thought we could go out, you know, to celebrate, but nevermind, we can stay at home if you don’t feel so good,” he suggested.</p><p>Daniel looked at him as if he had grown another head. “Celebrate?” he asked, puzzled.</p><p>“Baby, the war with the Ori is over, and you, Dr. Jackson, like it or not, had a decisive role in it. You saved the universe again,” Jack smiled proudly.</p><p>“Huh!” Daniel laughed in disbelief.</p><p>Jack frowned. “Huh? What does it mean *huh*?</p><p>“You make it sound as if I was some sort of… I don’t know… intergalactic hero or something.” Daniel twisted his face in disgust.</p><p>Jack looked at him, bewildered. “Daniel, you found the ark and figured out the password to open it. That stopped the priors and consequently stopped the war. This, in my book, is the definition of a hero. I’m proud of you, Danny.”</p><p>Daniel stared at him, shaking his head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said before pressing his lips together to stop the incoming quivering.</p><p>“Baby, what…?  Well, of course, the rest of the team did their part, but they couldn’t have done it without you.” Jack took his lover’s free hand and entwined their fingers together.</p><p>“Stop it! Just stop it!” Daniel exclaimed harshly as he moved his hand away from his lover’s grasp.</p><p>“Danny, what…?” Jack was at a loss. What could possibly be troubling the archaeologist? The priors, what Daniel had feared the most, were defeated. He should be happy, to say the least. But looking at his lover’s face, at those piercing electric blue orbs, he only saw revulsion and something that looked suspiciously like shame. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he asked with a frown as he moved closer to the archaeologist.</p><p>The moment Daniel noticed Jack’s thigh brushing his own, he startled and shoot off the couch as if it was burning. The mug of coffee flew until it crashed against the fireplace.</p><p>“Daniel!” Jack yelled out.</p><p>The archaeologist stopped in his tracks and turned around to face the older man.</p><p>“You want to know what’s wrong?” he challenged. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I did nothing. Nothing!” he stabbed the air with his finger to emphasize the point. “Your hero gave up, Jack! I gave up! If it hadn’t been for Teal’c, I… I…” his voice trailed to a whisper.</p><p>He started to tremble from head to toe and he fell on his knees. He wrapped his arms around his midsection and bowed his head. Jack kneeled in front of him in no time.</p><p>“Daniel?” he asked tentatively, not daring to touch him.</p><p>Daniel shook his head several times and took a deep breath before continuing talking.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Jack. I’m not the hero you think I am. Sorry to disappoint you,” he said with a cracked voice.</p><p>Jack passed from worried to scared. Daniel was hurting deeply. Something had happened on that mission. Something that wasn’t written in the report. He dared to put a hand on his lover’s knee. Daniel didn’t move, so he added a bit of pressure to the touch.</p><p>“Tell me what happened,” he asked softly.</p><p>Daniel raised his head and Jack watched in horror how thick tears were rolling down his face.</p><p> “I'm not who you think I am, Jack. I'm not a hero, not even close.”</p><p>“Daniel…” the older man didn’t know what to say. He swallowed the lump that was blocking the entrance of air to his lungs. He was shocked by the archaeologist's show of pain. As far as he knew, they had accomplished the mission in great measure to his lover’s action. What was he missing?</p><p>“I failed, Jack,” Daniel’s confessed. “I failed and when I did it, I…  I gave up.”  His voice cracked and took a deep, trembling breath to compose himself. “I gave up on me, on you, on everything,” the younger man bit his lower lip and tightened the self embrace to stop the quivering.</p><p>“Danny, you didn’t give up. What are you talking about? You didn’t fail, you kicked the bad guys' asses.”</p><p>“Huh, not before they kicked mine,” he tried to snort, but it sounded more like a sob.</p><p>Jack’s frown deepened. This couldn’t be just because of the beating. Obviously, they had battered Daniel mercilessly, but he had been tortured before and he had never given up.</p><p>“Daniel, what happened in that cell?” Jack asked anxiously. Whatever it was, it had to be very, very bad.</p><p>Daniel ducked his head again, and when he talked, it was in a broken whisper. “I couldn’t endure the torture. They beat me for hours. That part wasn’t that bad,” he shrugged. “But then, they threw me in that cell. The Doci came, he stood in front of me and… God, and I thought the torture with the battery in Honduras had been bad.” He let out a hysterical laugh.</p><p>Jack squeezed his knee again to ground him. To let him know that it was over, that he was at home, safe with him. Daniel went on with his story.</p><p>“The pain, Jack… it was… God. He stood there and the jewel in his chest glowed, and he… he began to chant the same sentence, over and over again. <em>Enim lupin purnum pravus intus. Enim lupin purnum pravus...</em> » He shuddered strongly at the memory. "I felt as if a hot red rod pierced my skull and traveled through my chest, my belly… The more I tried to fight it, the more the pain increased. I didn’t know it was possible to endure such an amount of pain and remain conscious. Then he left me alone, only to come back minutes later and start all over again." Daniel’s voice strained. "I lost count of the times he came, and in the end, I just… gave up. I lay on the ground and I prayed that he'd kill me during the next round.</p><p>“Aww, Danny…” Jack closed his eyes and tried to dismiss the fear that assaulted him. He hadn’t been aware of how much his lover had suffered, how near he had been to losing him again.</p><p>“I saw you.” Daniel looked at the General with pain-filled eyes.</p><p>“Where? In the cell?” Jack asked in confusion.</p><p>“I know it wasn’t really you, only a hallucination.” He smiled at the memory briefly. “You told me to hold on. That there was always a way out.”</p><p>“Good for me,” Jack smiled sympathetically.</p><p>“I didn’t listen to you,” Daniel looked down in shame. “I thought Teal’c was dead. Vala and Tomin were trapped as well. I couldn’t see any way out. I lost all hope. All hope. So I just… gave up and waited for the end to come,” he laughed. He lifted his head and stared at the older man, his head cocked. “I knew that giving up meant that I’d never see you again, and still I couldn’t find the strength. I’m sorry, Jack, so sorry…” He sniffed and swept the tears away with his sleeve.</p><p>“Jesus, Danny, there is nothing to be sorry for, nothing.” Jack’s heart constricted painfully in his chest. He couldn’t hold it anymore and pulled his lover into a gentle hug, taking care of not harming his battered body. He knew he should give him words of comfort, but he was so stricken by this new information that nothing came to mind. It seemed the mission reports had missed some important stuff.</p><p>A tremulous sigh escaped Daniel’s twisted mouth. “The only reason I’m not dead is because Teal’c was alive and he rescued me, and Morgan decided to help us, eventually. Go figure.” He broke the hug and stared at his lover briefly. “So as you can see, no much of a hero in me, huh? Teal’c is the hero, Jack, not me.”</p><p>He shrugged and looked away. He noticed the shattered mug of coffee at the base of the fireplace. “Sorry for the mess,” he said. “I’ll clean it later if you don’t mind. Now I need a shower.” And with that, he stood up and headed towards the bedrooms area.</p><p>Jack was too stunned to say something. He needed some minutes to process the new picture. He rubbed his face with his hands. He knew the feeling. He had experienced something similar during his imprisonment in Iraq, and not so long ago under the clutches of Ba’al. It was the worst feeling he had ever experienced, similar to the sorrow he had felt after Charlie’s death and Daniel’s ascension. His gut twisted painfully at the thought of his lover going through that alone. Daniel needed his help, but first, he needed to pull himself together. He stood up and went to the kitchen to grab the broom and the dustpan.</p><p>***</p><p>Several minutes later, Jack went in search of his archaeologist. He found him sitting on the bed, staring blankly at an invisible spot on the wall. His hair was wet and disheveled. He was wearing only his boxers and was holding a t-shirt as if he didn’t know what to do with it. From his position, Jack could see other bruises coloring the skin of his back. The General clenched his teeth to control the rush of anger that extended through his body.</p><p>He cleared his throat to warn of his presence as he approached his lover slowly. He sat next to him, their shoulders brushing slightly. Daniel blinked a couple of times but didn’t move.</p><p>“Danny, I want you to know that everything you told me, doesn't change a bit what I think about you,” Jack said softly. “You are a hero. The bravest man I’ve ever known.”</p><p>Daniel slumped his shoulders, lowered his gaze, and shook his head. “That proves you didn’t listen to me,” he muttered.</p><p>“Oh, I listened to you alright, baby,” Jack stated. “And now I want you to listen to me. Can you do that?”</p><p>The archaeologist closed his eyes and nodded weakly.</p><p>“Everybody has a breaking point. There is no shame in that. I gave up a few times in my life. You were the first-row witness in some of them, remember?”</p><p>That drew Daniel’s attention and whipped his head to look at his lover with a deep frown. Now it was Jack who was staring blankly to nothing.</p><p>“Charlie…” he whispered.</p><p>Jack nodded. “And Argos, Edora,  the Russian submarine, Ba’al... and Iraq.” He stopped for a few seconds to control his emotions before continuing. “In all those situations, I wasn’t alone, you know. I had cellmates in Iraq. I had a wife, friends, and relatives when Charlie died. I met you and Skaara short later. And in Ba’al’s cell, you were with me the whole time. In Argos and Edora… well, you, Carter and Teal’c, none of you gave up. But I did, remember?”</p><p>“But…” Daniel tried to protest, but Jack shushed him.</p><p>“Shh, my turn to talk.” Jack’s warm chocolate eyes met the younger man’s sapphire ones. He reached out a hand and cupped tenderly the jaw of the man that owned his heart and soul. He leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss. “I thought I was going to die in Iraq. I was absolutely sure. In my mind, I repeated over and over again words of apology to Sara and Charlie. I surrendered to the idea that I’d never see them again. I didn’t escape alone, you know.  I had a lot of help. And what about the Russian submarine and Ba’al’s cell? I asked you to kill me, for crying out loud!</p><p>Daniel’s eyes wetted to the memory. Although his memories about the time he was ascended were still a bit fuzzy, this one was clearly imprinted in his brain. Seeing his lover's expression of pain, Jack brushed his cheek with his thumb lovingly.</p><p>“What I mean, Danny, is that I know what is like. I reached my breaking point more than once. You reached it at the clutches of that Doci guy. There is no shame in that. None.”</p><p>“But I should have listened to you,” Daniel’s voice cracked.</p><p>“Aw, baby, it wasn’t even me, it was just your imagination. But you were with me in Ba’al’s cell for real. Well, I mean… in ghost, ascended form, whatever. The question is that you were there. And I didn’t listen to you either. The pain was too much. I just wanted it to stop. I would have gone nuts without you. Maybe they would have rescued me eventually, but I can assure you that right now I’d be committed to mental health.”</p><p>Daniel’s face crumpled in horror.</p><p>“In Honduras at least you had Bill, but this time you were alone, Daniel. During the whole torture, you went through that hell alone. And yet you managed to survive and keep your sanity intact. This, in my book, is the picture of heroism.</p><p>“But Teal’c…”</p><p>“Oh, Teal’c is a hero, too, sure. What he fulfilled is amazing. But even he had some help. I bet it was your friend Morgan who patched him up. Don’t you see it, baby? Heroes don’t work alone. That’s just for superheroes, and last I checked, you weren’t Superman.</p><p>The archaeologist let out a sad chuckle.</p><p>“You did your part. I know no one who could have done what you did, who would have endured what you suffered. Not even me. I love you so much, Doctor Jackson. You are the bravest and more incredible person I’ve ever known.</p><p>Daniel studied his lover’s eyes and only saw deep love and honesty. At that moment, he felt utterly fortunate that Jack had chosen him to love. Their lips met in a gentle and slow kiss.</p><p>“I want to leave SG-1,” he said in a rush after breaking the kiss.</p><p>“You sure?” Jack’s raised his eyebrows in surprise.</p><p>Daniel shook his head. “No. Not really,” he sighed soundly. “Jack, it’s just…” he swallowed hard.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” Jack clasped his hand.  “Whatever you decide, you know I'm at your side, don’t you?”</p><p>The archaeologist nodded. “It's just…” he waved his free hand up and down his bruised torso, “I'm tired of being the Universe's punching bag, you know, but If I quit now… Jack, I don’t want to do it out of fear.”</p><p>The General looked at him intensely. He knew what he was talking about. It was a common feeling between soldiers. Many of them were tempted to quit after tough experiences in the field. Some of them did. The rest put a mask on their faces and moved around showing a false bravado. But Daniel was not a soldier. He was never meant to be one. When the hell had he started to think like one?</p><p>“Daniel,  I can’t tell you what you should do. Only you can make that choice. But let me ask you something. Who do you think you are, who are you really, and who do you want to be? Don’t let your mind trick you. Just let your heart answer for you.”</p><p>The younger man looked at his partner, puzzled. Jack talking like Oma wasn’t something he ever thought would hear in his lifetime. He looked at him open-mouthed and blinked repeatedly.</p><p>“Go to sleep now, Danny,” Jack said, bringing the conversation to an end. “You don’t have to make your decision right now. You still have a lot to heal. When the time comes for real, you will know.”</p><p>Jack helped him to put on the t-shirt and accompanied his body to lie on the bed. He tucked him and kissed him tenderly.</p><p>“I'll be with you in a few minutes,” the older man whispered. “Try to rest, ok?”</p><p>Daniel just nodded and closed his eyes. He was too worn out to think of any coherent reply to his lover’s words.</p><p>Jack went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He wrapped a towel around his hand and stood under the water spray. He clenched his jaw to a painful level and started to deliver silent punches to the tiles, trying to appease the fire that was consuming his guts. He wished he had been the one who had rescued Daniel. This way, he would have had the chance to grab the Doci, cut his limbs one by one, very slowly, and throw the rest of him inside a pool full of piranhas. Still, he wasn’t convinced it was punishment enough for the monster who had broken not only his lover’s body but his spirit.</p><p>***</p><p>Days passed, and Daniel still hadn’t made his decision. Jack didn’t want to press the issue, although he was tempted to ask his lover to leave SG-1 and come to live with him in Washington. The archaeologist, in his vulnerable state, could easily agree and quit not only SG-1 but the Stargate project altogether. Then, after some days bored out of his skull, he would blame Jack for his unhappiness. Well, maybe not. Daniel wasn’t one of blaming others for his discomforts. Either way, he would feel dejected and frustrated and would drag Jack to the abyss with him. The choice had to be his.</p><p>But if the archaeologist continued on the flag team… Jack wasn’t sure his heart could endure more scares like the last one. He had to trust that his lover would make the right choice for both of them.</p><p>As for Daniel, he felt utterly confused. On the one hand, he thought he had sacrificed his health, even his life, times enough for the project. On the other hand, now that both Goa’uld and Ori were history, they could use the Stargate as a mean of exploration. The idea of crossing the circle with the purpose of making new discoveries instead of fighting a war was very appealing to him.</p><p>But then there was Jack. Staying on SG-1  meant that his relationship with his lover would keep going in the same way. Sporadic weekends and sick leaves rendezvous. He loved him more than anything and really wished to spend more time with him. The entire time, actually.</p><p>Off-world exploration and Jack. Both of them lured him like honey. He was thinking too much. He decided to give some more time to his final decision, to see how things were going with the new outlook.</p><p>So four weeks after the opening of the ark, with Daniel and Mitchell’s injuries completely healed, SG-1 was at the bottom of the ramp ready to discover the mysteries of P3K-546. The MALP had shown a big temple a few yards near the gate. Daniel was eager to put his hands on it.</p><p>The mission turned out to be very short. As usual, the reconnaissance of the MALP and the UAV had missed important information. They had barely stepped into the structure when a bunch of natives had appeared from nowhere and had threatened them with bows and spears. All of Daniel’s attempts of communication failed, and they ended up running for their lives. A spear brushed the archaeologist’s neck just as he jumped through the shimmering pool. It missed his carotid artery just for an inch.</p><p>Jack came to Colorado that weekend. When he saw the scratch on his lover’s neck, he needed all his willpower to not begging him to leave the field.</p><p>On the next mission, they came across the Lucian Alliance. On that one, Daniel was lucky. This time Mitchell and Teal’c were the ones who ended up at the infirmary.</p><p>On the next mission, Daniel died.</p><p>Again.</p><p>Fortunately, the bloodstained body that Teal’c cradled in his arms when he stepped through the gate was an alien wearing the archaeologist’s face. Dr. Lam discovered the ruse during the autopsy and SG-1 went back to the planet, but not before General Landry had called Jack to tell him the bad news. They found out that Daniel was being held in a cell. Apparently, the natives needed him to translate some alien stuff. Daniel had refused, and he was locked up and substituted for a copy. The rest of the team managed to rescue him unharmed.</p><p>So two days after his apparent death, Daniel arrived at the SGC through the Stargate tired but in good health. When Sam had told him about the situation, he wanted nothing more than to talk to Jack. Landry hadn’t called the Pentagon yet. He had waited to see the outcome of the mission. Dammit, his lover was still thinking he was dead. He couldn’t even imagine what he was going through. He wanted to be the first one to tell him the good news, so before going to the infirmary for his routine medical examination, he rushed to his office.  He launched towards the phone and dialed Jack’s number at the Pentagon with trembling hands.</p><p>“General O’Neill’s office,” an unknown voice answered.</p><p>“Hmm… hello, I am… I'm Dr. Daniel Jackson. I wish to speak with Ja… with the General.”</p><p>“Oh, good afternoon, Dr. Jackson. I’m sorry, he is not here. I am sergeant Jefferson. I'm attending General O’Neill's calls during his leave.”</p><p>“Excuse me, leave?”</p><p>“General O’Neill is at the hospital, sir.”</p><p>Daniel’s heart skipped a beat. Or two. “Wha-what?!” He exclaimed, alarmed. “What happened? Is he alright?”</p><p>“I’m not sure, sir. He collapsed in his office two days ago. He was talking on the phone, and he fainted at the moment he hung up. The doctors who attended him said something about his heart.” Jefferson explained.</p><p>All color drained from Daniel’s face. Suddenly he felt freezing cold. His entire body began to shake uncontrollably. He felt dizzy and sick in his stomach. When had he started riding a merry-go-round? He struggled to draw some air into his lungs and to keep the power bar he had eaten after the rescue in its place.</p><p>“Dr. Jackson, are you there?”</p><p>Daniel heard that someone was calling his name, but his mind had drifted far away.</p><p>“Dr. Jackson? Sir?”</p><p>The insistence of the voice brought him back to the present.</p><p>“Th-tha-thank you, Se-sergeant,” he stammered. He returned the receiver to the cradle. A deep feeling of dread settled over him. He grasped the corner of his desk to steady himself as he took some deep breaths, trying to calm down. When he was sure his legs were going to support him, he shot off the room.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>The next morning</strong>
</p><p>Daniel stepped into Jack’s room and closed the door behind him. His heart sank. His lover was lying in a semi-sitting position. Whether he was asleep or unconscious, Daniel couldn’t tell. His face was almost as white as the sheet that covered his body.  He had an IV attached to his wrist. The steady beeps of a heart monitor were the only sound filling the room. The archaeologist wondered how such a tall and strong man could look so small and fragile.</p><p>Daniel swallowed the lump in his throat and moved closer. Dammit, it was his fault that Jack was there. If he had…</p><p>His trail of thought was interrupted when he noticed that the General’s eyelids were fluttering. He quickly sat on the bed next to his lover and took his hand.</p><p>“Jack, Jack, it’s me, please, wake up,” he implored.</p><p>The older man opened his eyes and blinked. And blinked again to make sure that the figure who was sitting next to him, wearing a sad smile, was real.</p><p>"Hey", Daniel whispered.</p><p>“Oh, God, Danny, Danny…!” Jack launched forward and engulfed the younger man into a fierce hug.</p><p>The archaeologist returned the embrace with equal strength and buried his head into the hollow of Jack’s neck.</p><p>“I'm sorry, Jack, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault,” Daniel said against his lover's shoulder.</p><p>Jack pulled away and stared at his lover’s beautiful sapphire eyes. He reached out a hand and stroked his face tenderly. Daniel leaned against the touch.</p><p>“I knew you would come,” Jack smiled fondly. “I talked to Landry a few hours ago. He told me what really happened. I needed to see you, to be sure. I tried to stay awake for you, but..” he shrugged. “God, baby, I thought you were dead… I thought…” he stopped, unable to repeat the fateful words again.</p><p>“I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm not important right now. You are.  Are you ok, Jack? Are you going to be ok? Please tell me you’re going to be ok.” The words rushed out from Daniel’s mouth like a burst.</p><p>“I'm fine, Danny, I'm fine. Actually,  I don’t know why they’re still keeping me here,” the General reassured the younger man.</p><p>“Jack, you had a heart attack, God, you could have died,” Daniel’s voice cracked and a first tear escaped the corner of his eye.</p><p>“Jesus, baby! Is that what you think? Who told you that?” Now Jack sounded alarmed.</p><p>“That guy in your office, Je-Jefferson… he… he told me you fain-fainted, that… that was something wro-wrong with your heart,” Daniel hiccupped.</p><p>“Remind me to demote him,” Jack muttered through his teeth. “I didn’t have a heart attack, Danny. Just a drop of pressure and a minor episode of arrhythmia,” Jack explained.</p><p>Daniel looked at him with pleading eyes. “No… no heart attack? You… you sure?</p><p>“Pretty much,” Jack smiled. “I think they just hooked me to that damned machine to justify the budget.” He pointed at the heart monitor with his head.</p><p>“So you’re really ok?” Daniel took his hand and squeezed it.</p><p> “I am now,” Jack returned the squeeze with strength. “Although Landry’s call made quite an impression on me.”</p><p>“I'm so sorry, Jack, it’s my fault.”</p><p>“So you said before,” Jack frowned. “How is this your fault, Danny? You did nothing wrong. Those damned alien tricked you all.”</p><p>“It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t gone on that mission in the first place.”</p><p>“Daniel,  it’s your job. Shit happens all the time. That’s something we've had to learn to live with.”</p><p>The archaeologist shook his head. "Not anymore"</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jack asked in confusion.</p><p>“I have something for you.” Daniel searched into the inner pocket of his jacket and extracted a small envelope.</p><p>“What’s this?” Jack asked, intrigued.</p><p>“My present. My future. My choice.” He replied enigmatically as he offered the envelope to Jack.</p><p>The General looked at his lover’s eyes and saw a new brightness in them. With trembling hands, he grabbed the item and opened it. Inside there was a patch of SG-1. He held his breath while stared at it for several seconds. Then he looked at his lover with a serious face.</p><p>“But you love going through the gate. The exploration, the new discoveries.”</p><p>Daniel cupped Jack’s jaw and brushed his cheek lovingly. “But I love you more,” he smiled as a new fresh tear slid down his face.</p><p>Jack was speechless. He kept opening and closing his mouth like a fish. So Daniel continued talking.</p><p>“It's not like I'll quit gate travel completely. Just no more first contact missions. I cleared everything with Landry before coming. I'll concentrate on research, you know, studying the artifacts that come through the gate. I don’t even have to be at the SGC the whole time. I will be able to spend more time here with you. I'll just need a computer. I'll still go through the gate from time to time, but only to secured planets.”</p><p>“But you’ll miss the thrill, the rush of adrenaline,” Jack said softly.</p><p>“The combat situations, the near-death experiences, the actual death experiences…” Daniel laughed.</p><p>Jack grinned. “You sure?”</p><p>“As I'll ever be. I love you more than anything,  Jack, more than anything. And I'm so sorry that it took me so long to make my decision. I've been selfish and self-centered.  I can believe I did with you the same mistake I did with Sha're. I put my thirst for knowledge above everything. And I hurt you. I… I almost gave you a heart attack, for God’s sake.” The archaeologist was trembling now. “When Jefferson told me what happened… God, I… I thought I was going to lose you for good. The only thought was inconceivable, the pain unbearable. And I thought of all the times I woke up at the infirmary, of all the times you thought I was dead. I’m so sorry I put you through that.”</p><p>“Baby, don’t punish yourself,” Jack said, seeing that his lover was ready to walk into one of his guilt trips. “I went through some rough situations too. I also gave you some tough moments.”</p><p>“Not so many, Jack, I think I beat you in that. But not anymore. We deserve a bit of peace for a change, don’t you think?” Daniel’s lips curved in a sad smile.</p><p>“So… no more risky missions?” The older man looked at him intently.</p><p>Daniel shook his head. “To answer your question, I'm a scholar. I never meant to be a soldier. I need to be in contact with my true self. That’s what I want to be. A scholar, an explorer under controlled risk, and a husband.”</p><p>“Kinda 9 to 5 desk job?” Jack smirked.</p><p>“Don’t push it,” Daniel snorted, “but yeah, something like that.”</p><p>Jack brushed his lover’s tears with his fingers and they stared at each other with eyes brimming with love, passion, and hope.</p><p>“I love you, Dr. Jackson. One heart, one soul…”</p><p>“Forever.”</p><p>And they sealed it with a long and sweet kiss.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>Two weeks later</strong>
</p><p>Jack was at his office when the telephone rang. He had been discharged from the hospital the day after Daniel had come from Colorado. The archaeologist had stayed in Washington during his lover’s sick leave, but he had gone back home four days ago. Jack was completely recuperated from his arrhythmia and was a happy man. His lover had quit SG-1 for a more healthy occupation. Hopefully, they would live some time without major disasters.</p><p>“O’Neill.”</p><p>“Jack, it’s me,” came the familiar voice at the other side of the line.</p><p>“Daniel! Hey, what’s up?” he greeted cheerfully.</p><p>“Jack, you’re gonna love it. There’s one last mission I need to do with SG-1, and Landry thinks it might be a good idea that you come with us.” Daniel sounded happy.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Jack asked, confused.</p><p>“It's Ba'al. We caught him. We'll send him to the Tok’ra for the extraction ceremony.”</p><p>“Sweet,” the General grinned.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>One week later</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Teal’c was the first one to disappear. One second he was there, and the next, poof, just vanished in the air. Tok’ra after Tok’ra started to vanish the same way as well. The remaining members of SG-1 looked shocked in all directions, trying to understand what was happening. Jack launched towards Ba'al, who was still restrained waiting for the extraction of his symbiote.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What have you done with my people?!” the General asked the Goa'uld in anger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At that moment, Ba'al broke loose, grabbed the big needle, similar to an ice prick, that was attached to the extraction device, and stabbed Jack on his left shoulder. The needle penetrated Jack’s flesh and muscle until he reached his ultimate target. His heart.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The moment he saw his lover falling, Daniel felt as if an iron fist slammed viciously to his gut. All air rushed off his lungs. He felt as if his own heart stopped beating. No. Nonononono. This couldn’t be happening. God, no, no. This was his last mission with SG-1. They were supposed to start a new stage of their lives. A safer job. No more injuries. No more infirmaries. More time to be together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lost in his pain, he didn’t even saw how Mitchell abated the Goa’uld with a burst of bullets, or Sam calling in shock his comrade and friend’s name.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Daniel’s trembling form kneeled next to his lover.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Jack!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They both knew the General was a goner, and still, he still had the strength to beg his lover for salvation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go to the gate,” he said with a strained voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Daniel watched in horror as his lover’s exhaled one last time, and his body sank limply on the floor.</em>
</p><p>“Jaaaaaack!”</p><p>Daniel jerked awake and sat bolt upright, shouting his lover’s name. In no time Jack was holding him into his arms.</p><p>“Shhhh, baby, I'm here, I'm ok, I'm ok, you’re safe at home. It was just a nightmare!” Jack hurried to say.</p><p>Daniel clung to his lover’s bare shoulders. He was panting hard and shaking from head to toe. Jack drew a trail of kisses on his temple as whispered comforting words. He was worried about the archaeologist. Since their return from Ba'al's extraction ceremony on the Tok'Ra base, he had been having the same nightmare every night. This one was the fifth in a row.</p><p>“The same dream?” Jack asked softly.</p><p>Daniel nodded against the older man's shoulder. He pulled away and gulped a few times, trying to bring his breathing under control.</p><p>“It’s always the same,” he said in a cracked whisper. “We’re at the ceremony, Ba'al gets loose and stabs you in the heart.” He squeezed his eyes shut to try to erase the crushing picture from his mind.</p><p>“Look at me.” Daniel complied. “I'm ok, see? Ba’al is gone. He can’t hurt me anymore. It was just a nightmare, just a nightmare.”</p><p>Jack embraced his lover again and held him tightly until his breathing evened.</p><p>“Are you ok?” He asked as he pulled away. “I have to go back to Washington today, but if you need…”</p><p>“No, no,” Daniel interrupted him. “I'll be fine. It will pass. It's not like I didn’t have nightmares before.”</p><p>“You sure?” Jack asked with concern.</p><p>Daniel nodded and then captured his lover’s lips in a fervent kiss. “Make love to me, Jack,” he asked softly as they stopped to catch some air.</p><p>And Jack did, and Daniel immersed in the pleasure and forgot about the terrible dream for the rest of the night.</p><p>***</p><p> The nightmare haunted Daniel’s nights for some more days, but little by little it began to fade. As days passed, he became more relaxed. Although he had to admit to himself that missed the constant presence of his former teammates and the thrill of first contact missions, he was really enjoying his research work. He didn’t regret his decision a bit. Jack was also much more calm knowing that his lover wasn’t risking his life on a daily basis anymore. The frequency of their encounters increased, and they fully enjoyed those happy moments.</p><p>***</p><p>Daniel’s thrusts increased their speed. He grunted as he slammed into his lover over and over again. His body, covered in sweat, glistened under the dim light. His hands were firmly clasped on Jack’s thighs, his back arched backward as his pelvis moved rhythmical back and forward. The General’s legs were wrapped around the younger man’s waist, his hands gripping his buttocks, helping to keep the pace. Every time the archaeologist hit his prostate, he felt indescribable jolts of pleasure running through every one of his cells.</p><p>The fit was perfect, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle cut with extraordinary precision.</p><p>“Oh, God, Jack… I'm close… I'm close…” Daniel panted.</p><p>“Jesus, baby… ohfuckohfuckohfuck… touch me, touch me… now,” Jack replied breathlessly.</p><p>Daniel closed his fist around his lover’s cock and began to pump it at the same rhythm as his thrusts. In a few seconds, both men reached their edge and came explosively, Daniel inside his lover’s ass and the older man onto his own stomach and chest. They kept moving as the force of the orgasm made their bodies jerk with powerful spasms. When the convulsions stopped, Daniel collapsed bonelessly onto his lover’s supine form. Jack held him tightly.</p><p>“God, Jack, I love you, I love you so much,” Daniel whispered into his lover’s ear. He started a trail of kisses on his temple but halted when he noticed dampness and a salty taste. He pulled away and watched in shock as thick tears slid from the corner of Jack’s eyes to his temples and got stuck in his silver sideburns.</p><p>“Jack, what is it? Oh, God, did I hurt you?” he asked, alarmed.</p><p>Jack’s eyes were squeezed shut. He shook his head and swallowed hard.</p><p>“Jack?” Daniel asked tentatively, his heart slamming hard against his ribcage. “Jack, talk to me.”</p><p>The General opened his eyes and stared at his lover with sheer devotion.</p><p>“It was so perfect, Danny, so, so perfect,” he whispered with emotion. “I love you so much that it hurts.”</p><p>Daniel’s eyes wetted and leaned forward, bringing his lips to Jack’s chest. He kissed gently on the spot where his heart was beating. Then he ran a trail of kisses upwards until he met his lover’s lips and devoured them with a long and passionate kiss, tongues entwined in a choreography of senses.</p><p>They pulled away as their lungs claimed some air and stared at each other with bright eyes sparkling with lust and love.</p><p> “Hell, I'm going to miss you,” Jack whispered as he stroked his lover’s cheek.</p><p>“No worries,” Daniel smiled, “I'll be away just for a few weeks, I'll be back before you can finish saying pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.”</p><p>Jack looked at him dumbfounded and the archaeologist grinned.</p><p>“Smartass,” Jack frowned before launching for another kiss.</p><p>“I'll miss you too, Jack,” Daniel said softly after breaking the kiss.</p><p>“So, this Janus was a big shot, huh?” The General asked, curious about his lover's new discovery.</p><p>“You kidding?!” the younger man exclaimed. His eyes gleamed electrically. “He was the lead scientist in Atlantis! And according to those parchments SG-9 brought from P7X-445, he had a secret laboratory, and I know its location! Do you have any idea of what I can find there?”</p><p>“No, what?”</p><p>“Unimaginable experiments, discoveries beyond our comprehension, science-fiction medicine…” Daniel cut off when he realized that Jack was looking at him in amusement. “What?”</p><p>“You are beautiful,” the older man simply said.</p><p>“Wha-what?” Daniel blinked in astonishment.</p><p>“Baby, you should see your face while you’re talking about all that stuff. You’re… beaming!”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I haven’t seen that sparkle in your eyes since…” Jack’s face saddened. “oh, my god.”</p><p>“What?” Daniel asked, a bit concerned by his lover’s sudden change of mood.</p><p>“The last time I remember seeing you that enthusiastic about a new discovery was on Ernest's planet. Jesus, Daniel, what have we done to you?”</p><p>“Hey, hey, you did nothing to me,” Daniel tried to soothe him stroking his chest. “To stay in SG-1 was my choice from the beginning, remember? I could have quit at any time, but I didn’t. I don’t regret it. I've seen things I couldn't have even begin to imagine.”</p><p>“You deserved a happier life, Danny. A lot happier.”</p><p>“Jack, nothing in the Universe is more worth living than to be with you. Any discovery, as amazing as it can be, pales in comparison to the wonder that’s sharing my life with you. Every misfortune, every pain, every bump on the road has been a step towards you. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, because, in the end, it all has led me to what I have now. The most precious, treasured, loved thing in my life- you.”</p><p>Jack felt a huge lump tightening his throat and couldn’t stop the burst of emotion that filled his heart. A stream of thick tears spilled from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably.</p><p>“Danny… Danny… lo-love you, love you, God, so-so much,” he choked.</p><p>Daniel couldn’t contain his emotions either, and both men ended up clinging together, sharing tears of joy, and feeling extremely lucky for having each other to complete their lives.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>Three weeks later</strong>
</p><p>Jack ignored the salutes as he hustled along the SGC corridors towards the infirmary. As he rushed into the room, Dr. Lam intercepted him.</p><p>“Where is he? How is he?” He asked impatiently, trying to go past the young doctor.</p><p>“General, please, calm down,” she tried to soothe. “He’s going to be fine.”</p><p>“Going to be? So he’s not fine, is he? Of course he isn’t. A bolt of alien lightning burned his insides to a crisp, for crying out loud!” Jack said, failing to conceal his fear.</p><p>“Indeed, Dr. Jackson sustained very serious internal injuries, the recovery time is going to be long,” Dr. Lam explained calmly.</p><p>“Are we talking about full recovery?” Jack asked anxiously.</p><p>“I believe so.” Then her face became serious. “It was close, General. He is very lucky.” Then she smiled affectionately. “Go with him,” she pointed towards an ISO room with her head. “He’s going to be here quite some days, so I gave him some privacy. He'll be happy to see you. Just don’t get him too excited. He is still in a considerable amount of pain.” She patted his arm and headed to her office, smiling while wondering if her father knew about the true nature of the relationship between those two men. It tempted her to make a bet with him.</p><p>Jack stepped into the room and swallowed as he approached his lover with caution, afraid of what he would find. Daniel was lying in a semi-sitting position, apparently sleeping. Jack let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t look so bad, all things considered. There weren’t too many tubes attached to his body, just an IV and a pressure and heart monitor. He looked a bit pale, but not too gaunt. When he moved closer, he saw the lines of pain drawn on his face and his heart sank. He sat on the chair beside the bed and watched at him in silence.</p><p>Dammit, he couldn’t believe what had happened. He had almost lost him again. The mission to Atlantis was supposed to be safe, holidays in an amusement park. Couldn’t the Universe give the man a break?</p><p>He tried to concentrate on Dr. Lam's words. Daniel was going to be fine. Although she talked about a long recovery. And he was due to go back to Washington in a couple of days. Daniel would have to go through his recovery alone. Dammit to hell. Jack cursed for a million times the laws and regulations. The only reason he couldn’t get compassionate leave was that they weren’t legally married. The only reason they weren’t legally married was that they were the same sex. Jack snorted angrily at the absurdity of the situation. Tied by a bunch of short-minded, retrograde laws.</p><p>Watching at his lover's face, he could barely contain the rush of emotion that invaded him. He looked so young when he was sleeping, so beautiful. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe how lucky he was that Daniel had chosen him to share his heart.</p><p>The archaeologist stirred a bit in his sleep, and Jack quickly took his hand. He felt a bit hot to the touch. He was possibly having a residual fever. He didn’t want to wake him up. Daniel surely needed all the rest he could get, but he was eager to see his baby blues, to check that he was really alive and well.</p><p>Daniel’s eyelids fluttered, and he cracked open his eyes. At the moment, he saw his lover’s face, his face lightened with a broad smile.</p><p>“Ouch,” he moaned when the smile tightened his sore muscles.</p><p>“Hey, are you in pain, do you need I call Dr. Lam?” The General hurried to say.</p><p>“No, no, I'm fine, it’s just it… hmm… hurts when I move,” the archaeologist said drowsily, trying to control his need to smile. “How long have you been here? Why didn’t you wake me up?”</p><p>“Just a few minutes,” Jack replied softly. “Hey,” he greeted softly with a warm smile.</p><p>“Hey yourself,” Daniel replied, squeezing his lover’s hand weakly.</p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Not bad, all things considered.”</p><p>“Want to go fishing?”</p><p>Daniel laughed at the old joke. “Ouch, ouch, don’t make me laugh.”</p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” Jack apologized sincerely.</p><p>“It hurts when I laugh. And when I eat. And when I…”</p><p>“Ok, ok, I get the picture,” Jack interrupted him. “God, Danny, I'm so sorry. It was supposed to be a great adventure and now…”</p><p>“It’s not your fault, Jack. I'm sorry I scared you again,” Daniel replied sadly.</p><p>“Hey, it’s not your fault either. But I have to confess that Landry’s call scared the shit out of me. Again.” The older man ducked his head to conceal the sudden wetness in his eyes.</p><p>“Looks like I can’t stay out of trouble, huh?” Daniel winced. “I missed you,” he said wearily. “I mean there, in Atlantis, at the infirmary. When I woke up after the surgery and you weren’t there, it felt so… wrong.”</p><p>Jack raised his head and stared at his lover intensely. “I want to retire,” he blurted out.</p><p>Daniel blinked repeatedly. “Jack you can’t do that.”</p><p>“Why not? I wouldn’t be the first time,” the General shrugged.</p><p>“And what? Play the nice homemaker?” Daniel shook his head. “Jack, your job is way too important. People here feel safe and protected knowing that you are in charge of Homeworld Security.”</p><p>“Look,” Jack continued in a low voice. “You know you’re the most important thing in my life, and well, I've been to Washington for three years now and, huh… shit, Daniel, I miss you, I mean, since you left SG-1 we see each other quite often but still… it’s not enough, you know. Like now, for example.  I have to go back in two days, and I hate it. I want to be with you, to take care of you, to help you with your recovery, as a proper husband. Dr. Lam said it’s going to be long. It seems that you’re quite busted.”</p><p>“Jack, I... I can’t ask you to leave your career for me,” the archaeologist said adamantly. “It’s not fair, I'm not that…”</p><p>“Shh, stop it right away,” the older man shushed him, raising his index finger. “Don’t you dare to say you’re not that important, or worthy, or whatever you were going to say.”</p><p>Daniel bowed his head guiltily.</p><p>“You are my life, Danny, you know it. My career means a squat if it keeps me away from you. When you left SG-1, I thought it would be easier. No more risks, no more scares, I thought, what the hell, a few more years and we'll have all the time of the world. And now…” he stopped for a few seconds to contain the flush of emotions that were threatening to overflow. “I don’t wanna waste a single minute without you. I could lose you at any moment. Even if you don’t go off-world anymore, a bus could run over you any moment.”</p><p>“Thanks for the picture,” Daniel shuddered. “Jack, you can’t think like that. You can’t retire out of fear. You've been a soldier your entire life, you know about risks more than anyone and you've always accepted them.”</p><p>“Not when it’s about you. God, I don’t wanna see you in pain or in a hospital bed ever again. But if I have to, I wanna be at your side all the time. So, what do you say?”</p><p>“Jack, I… I don’t know, Earth needs you. I… I… no one ever willed to leave everything for me. I don’t think I could carry that burden.”</p><p>“You left everything to stay on Abydos. What’s different?”</p><p>“Jack, that was completely different. There was nothing on Earth for me. I was discredited, the laughingstock of the archaeology community, a total failure. You, on the other hand, are a big shot, the SGC needs you, the country needs you, hell, the entire planet needs you.</p><p>“What about what you need?” Jack looked intently at his lover’s bright sapphire eyes. If he wanted an honest answer, he only needed to focus on those expressive orbs. Daniel’s mouth could lie, but his eyes… his eyes couldn’t talk about anything but honesty.</p><p>The General read the deep conflict in them. He knew Daniel was in love with him as much as he was with the archaeologist. He knew the distance was tearing him apart, too. But Daniel wasn’t someone who attended his own wishes. He could jump on the way of a staff blast to save someone else’s life, he could sacrifice his life to save a planet of ungrateful bastards,  he could fight tooth and nail for the rights of an artificial intelligence, but when it was about his own welfare, it was hard for him to accept the sacrifice of others.</p><p>“I… I…” Daniel moved his mouth like a drowning fish and swallowed hard. He was speechless. Of course he needed Jack. Life was inconceivable without him, but the idea of the general giving up such a successful career for him…</p><p> “Daniel,” Jack smiled softly, “not so many weeks ago, at my bedside, you told me you loved gate travel but that you loved me more. Now I'm at your bedside, and I'm telling you I love the Air Force, but I love you more. Is it so hard to believe?</p><p>“No! Well, yes… no… I don’t know,” the archaeologist blushed and bit his bottom lip. Yes, Jack loved him, but leaving the Air Force all together for him? Well, he had retired twice before, once after Charlie’s death and later after coming back from Abydos the first time, but still… it was hard for Daniel to believe that he alone could be reward enough for Jack. Was he really that special? Well, Jack was that special to him, so…</p><p>“Jack, it’s just the way you said it… I've got the feeling that it’s a rush decision because of what happened to me,” Daniel sighed. “What if you do it and regret it later?”</p><p>“What about when you left SG-1? Wasn’t it a rush decision because of what happened to me?” Jack raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“No… huh… well, I have to admit it was the last push,” Daniel confessed.</p><p>“Do you regret it?”</p><p>“No, of course not! Daniel protested. "I told you, nothing is more important than you."</p><p>“Exactly!” Jack waved his arms to emphasize his point.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“So? Do I have your blessing?”</p><p>“Can I think about it? I mean, maybe there is some other option. I mean, I left SG-1, yes, but not the project altogether,” Daniel frowned.</p><p>“Ok, let's think about it for some days, but you’ll see that I won’t change my mind.”</p><p>“Ok, fair enough,” Daniel winced. The whole thing was giving him a headache, and he was sore enough.</p><p> “Crap, Danny, are you in pain?” Jack asked, alarmed, seeing his lover’s face crumple. “Shit, of course you’re in pain.” He stretched to reach the buzzer, but the archaeologist stopped him.</p><p>“No, Jack, I'm fine, it's just a… ouch, ok, maybe I hurt a bit,” Daniel said in a strained voice.</p><p>“Where? Where does it hurt?” Jack asked in concern.</p><p>“Hmm… everywhere?” the younger man grimaced.</p><p>“Crap! Why didn’t you tell me?” Jack pressed the buzzer.</p><p>“I'm telling you now… ouch…” Daniel pressed his lips together against the increasing pain. It felt like all his muscles were over-strained.</p><p>Dr. Lam came into the room in a flash.</p><p>“What happened?” she asked as she approached her patient.</p><p>“He says he hurt everywhere,” Jack explained while squeezed slightly the younger man’s hand for comfort.</p><p>“Dr. Jackson, give me a number,” she asked.</p><p>“Mhmf… six?” he said through clenched teeth.</p><p>“Let’s make it seven,” she sighed. “Your heart rate is a bit fast, and the fever has risen too. General, I asked you not to disturb my patient,” she glared at Jack while inserted the contents of a syringe into the IV.</p><p>Jack swallowed hard. He didn’t know her well, but she looked as threatening as Janet, if not more.</p><p>“You should feel better in a few minutes,” she told Daniel. Then she faced Jack. “I don’t know what you two were talking about, but if you mess up with Dr. Jackson again, I'll kick you out of my infirmary, understood?” And without waiting for an answer she stalked out of the room, leaving an open-mouthed stunned Major General.</p><p>“She is almost as scaring as Fraiser,” he said in amazement.</p><p>“Mhmm, and she has bigger needles,” Daniel grunted.</p><p>Jack brought back his full attention to his partner. “Shhh, try to relax?” he said as he stroked his cheek tenderly.</p><p>“Jack, we’re at the infirmary. A nurse could come at any moment.”</p><p>“I don’t care,” the General stated firmly.</p><p>“Well, I do, I don’t want you to be court-martialled… ouch.”</p><p>“Shhh, try to rest.”</p><p>At that moment a nurse came into the room and Jack quickly removed his hand. She smiled at both men and started checking the readings of the machinery attached to the archaeologist. Jack and Daniel stared at each other, expressing with their eyes what they couldn’t say aloud.</p><p>I love you, I need you, I want you whole, we’ll find the way.</p><p>When the young woman finished taking note of the readings, smiled again, and left the room.</p><p>“Dammit, I hate this,” said Jack, referring both to his partner’s suffering and his impossibility to act as a real husband.</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Daniel sounded exhausted.</p><p>“Try to sleep a bit, ok?” Jack said while tucked his lover. “I shouldn’t have brought up the issue of retirement. The most important thing right now is your recovery, I don’t want you to worry about anything else.”</p><p>“Jack, I love you, and I really want to live with you too, you know that, right? It’s just that…”</p><p>Jack didn’t miss the anguished tone in the younger man’s voice. Daniel was afraid that by refusing Jack’s idea of retirement, the General could think he had doubts about their commitment. But Jack knew his lover well.</p><p>“Hey, hey, I know,” Jack interrupted him, carding his fingers through his soft hair. “Don’t worry about it, ok? We'll have plenty of time to talk when you recover. Try to sleep a bit, I'll be here when you wake up.”</p><p>“Ok. Huh, that shit kicks in fast,” Daniel said in a slurred voice. He closed his eyes and left his lover’s caress to lull him into sleep.</p><p>***</p><p>Daniel sank deeper in the bed mattress. Dr. Lam's words echoed repeatedly in his head. “You can leave the infirmary and start doing light work, but to fully recover for active duty you’ll need from five to six months.”</p><p>She said something about weakened muscles, broken tissue that wasn’t responding to the treatment as well as it should, and something about his kidney and sporadic episodes of arrhythmia. Nothing that couldn’t be fixed with time, regular sessions of physiotherapy, and lots and lots of pills. To be honest with himself, he had stopped paying attention after the first sentence. From five to six months.</p><p>“Hey, Daniel,” a cheerful voice took him out of his thoughts.</p><p>“Sam,” he smiled weakly. “You’re back.”</p><p>One week had passed since Jack’s visit. If it wasn’t for his friends that were coming from time to time to cheer him up, he would have probably fallen into a deep depression. Although they couldn't come often. Since he had left SG-1, Sam and Teal’c had begun to drift away from the flag team too. Sam’s had recovered her interest in the investigation and her trips to Area 51 weren’t rare. Teal’c, on his side, was being increasingly involved again in the politics of the Free Jaffa Nation. He would probably leave the SGC for good soon. Mitchell was usually too busy with himself and Vala… well, when she finally realized that Daniel would not father her children, she had developed a sudden interest in Colonel Coburn.</p><p>“Yes, I arrived a couple of hours ago,” Sam explained. “So, how are you doing?”</p><p>“Carolyn said I can go home,” he sighed with obvious dissatisfaction.</p><p>“Well, that’s good,” she grinned, but she sobered her face as she saw him bowing his head. “Hey, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“I’m cleared only for light duty for the next months.”</p><p>“Ouch,” she exclaimed in sympathy.</p><p>“Yeah, looks like the lightning messed up with my insides worse than they thought at first.” He looked at his friend with pleading eyes. “Sam, I'm gonna go nuts.”</p><p>“What did General O’Neill say?” she asked as she sat on his bed.</p><p>“I haven’t called him yet.” Daniel began to fiddle with the rim of the sheets. “He… hmm… he wants to retire.”</p><p>“You don’t sound happy,” Sam commented.</p><p>“Sam, he’s a full-blooded soldier, a man of action. Can you imagine him retiring with this new scenario?” He waved his hand up and down, pointing at his damaged body. “What would he do? Take care of me full time? He would go nuts in half of the time and we'd kill each other in one week.”</p><p>“Daniel, give him some credit. I'm sure the General would be happy doing whatever as long as you are at his side. He's mad about you.”</p><p>“I miss him, Sam. I miss the daily contact so much. I'm dying for living with him. But I can’t ask him to leave everything for me. And much less now, when I'll be stuck from home to the hospital and vice versa for six months.”</p><p>“Well,” Sam said. “If you don’t feel comfortable with the mountain going to Muhammad, what stops Muhammad from going to the mountain?” she shrugged. Daniel looked at her open-mouthed. She patted his arm and stood up. “Ah, men. You can be so dense sometimes.” And she left with a wide smile.  His friends were going to be alright.</p><p>***</p><p>Two hours later Daniel was in his civvies shaking hands with General Landry. A cane was helping him to hold his weakened legs straight.</p><p>“I'm not going to ask the reasons for your request, Dr. Jackson, and you don’t have to tell.”</p><p>“Thank you, General,” Daniel said sheepishly. He turned around to leave and before he could reach the doorknob, Landry called him again.</p><p>“Oh, hmm, Dr. Jackson, by the way. You just made me lose a bet with my daughter. I owe her fifty bucks.” The older man chuckled.</p><p>Daniel blushed, nodded shyly, and left the office.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <strong>Two days later</strong>
</p><p>Jack grabbed a beer from his fridge and headed to the living room. After four hectic days at the Pentagon, he just wanted to slump on his favorite armchair and have a long telephonic conversation with his lover. Before he could grab the receiver, he heard a knock at the door.</p><p>“Damn,” he mumbled.</p><p>He went to open the door and froze, astonished at the unexpected sight. His lover, Dr. Daniel Jackson, wrapped in his favorite leather jacket, was standing at his front door. He was leaning on a cane and two big bags were lying next to his feet.</p><p>“Danny?” The General asked, dumbfounded.</p><p>“Call me Muhammad,” Daniel smiled.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Ask Sam.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Never mind. Can I come in? My butt is freezing. “</p><p>“Oh, sorry, of course, it’s just… I wasn’t expecting  you.”</p><p>“Could you…? Daniel pointed to the bags with his head. “Dr. Lam said zero efforts for now.”</p><p>“Yes, of course.” Jack grabbed the bags and closed the door. He left them on the floor and stood in front of his lover. “Hey,” he smiled and cupped the archaeologist’s face with both hands.</p><p>“Hey,” Daniel replied, his blue eyes extremely bright.</p><p>Their lips met in a long and sweet kiss. When they broke the kiss, they glued their foreheads together. “God, I missed you so much,” Jack said with emotion.</p><p>“Not as much as I missed you,” Daniel replied longingly.</p><p>Their lips met again. They tasted each other for several minutes, their tongues exploring every niche of their mouths.</p><p>When they pulled away Jack took a good look at his partner. “How are you? Are you ok? What about the cane? You don’t have a permanent injury, do you? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” the General talked one hundred mph.</p><p>“Jack, relax, I'm ok, well, at least I will be.”</p><p>Jack accompanied the archaeologist to the couch, and he slumped on it tiredly. While he removed his jacket, Jack went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water.</p><p>“Here,” he said, offering the drink to his lover. “You look tired.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Daniel said. “Actually, it’s time for the meds. Could you…? He pointed at the bags. “The blue one.”</p><p>Jack gave him the bag, and the archaeologist extracted a case. Inside there were several boxes of pills. Daniel took one from four different boxes and swallowed them with the help of the water.</p><p>“Thanks,” he repeated, giving back the glass to Jack.</p><p>“So, not that I am complaining,  but what are you doing here?” Jack asked while reclining on the couch and taking his partner’s hand.</p><p>“Well, I thought as I am apparently facing a long recovery, the medical care in Washington would be as good as any other else.”</p><p>“What are you saying?” Jack asked, afraid of misunderstanding the archaeologist.</p><p>Daniel explained to him the situation.</p><p>“Jack, I came here to stay. If you want me, of course.”</p><p>Jack stared at him without blinking for almost a minute, his expression unreadable. Daniel's Adam's apple bobbled noticeably. A turmoil of mixed thoughts invaded his mind.</p><p>“I-I-I'm sorry, I-I-I should have consulted this with you first,” he stammered nervously. “God, I don’t know what I was thinking. I-I-I thought it was a win-win solution, this way you don’t need to retire yet, I mean… shit, I'm sorry.” His face crumpled in anguish and he looked away. His heart was pounding fast. He wrapped his arms around his midsection in that characteristic way of his, took a deep breath, and brace himself for Jack’s rejection.</p><p>The General grabbed his chin and forced eye contact again. Daniel watched in surprise as his lover’s chocolate eyes were bright with unshed tears.</p><p>“Jack?”</p><p>Without warning, the older man pulled him into a crushing hug.</p><p>“Ouch!” Daniel’s body protested.</p><p>Alarmed with his lover's cry of pain, Jack pulled away and assessed his condition.</p><p>“I'm sorry,  I'm sorry, are you ok? Did I hurt you?”</p><p>“I'm fine, I'm fine,” Daniel reassured him. “Does huh… does it mean that’s ok for you? I mean, me coming to live… hmm… here, with, hmm, you.”</p><p>“Baby, are you kidding?” Jack grinned widely and captured his lips in another gentle kiss. “Does it answer your question?”</p><p>Daniel smiled shyly.</p><p>“God, I love when you do that,” Jack caressed the archaeologist’s lips with his thumb.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That shy smile. It’s so beautiful, sensual, sexy…”</p><p>Daniel blushed and smiled again.</p><p>“Dr. Jackson, you'll make me jump to your bones any second.” And they tasted the sweet fruit again. “So, are you sure you can work from here?”</p><p>“Yeah, I cleared everything with Landry. At the archaeology department we’ve been digitalizing all the reference books for the last years. I have everything I need on my computer. Only the translation of the images that SG-7 brought back from P8X-456 will keep me busy for one month. Besides, I must visit the physiotherapist once or twice a week and do a lot of exercises at home. Carolyn said I’ll make a full recovery, only that I have to take things easy for some time. And once I’m one hundred percent, maybe when can discuss that retirement issue again. But for now…”</p><p>“… no rough, wild sex?” Jack pouted.</p><p>“Huh uh. Only long (eyelashes batting), sweet (lips licking), and gentle (undoing of upper shirt button) rounds of lovemaking.”</p><p>“You know,” Jack cleared his throat, “I can do long…” he pushed at his lover slowly until he was lying on his back on the couch, “… and sweet…” he started to undo the rest of the buttons,” and I definitely can do gentle.” He leaned over the archaeologist with the intention to prove to him how mastered he was in the gentleness business. “I love you so much, baby, so much. You never cease to amaze me.”</p><p>“I love you too, Jack, more than anything. And I know sometimes I sound insecure, but you, love, what we have, I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life.”</p><p>And they loved, and explored new rhythms, and discovered new sensations, and celebrated the new stage of their lives.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The end, for now</strong>
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